The fight continues

Papa puts little miss to bed and not 5 minutes go by and she is asking for me. I try the “ole pat on the head and leave the room” tactic like ten times. Then she rangles me in for a hug, that melts me into staying in her room. I am determined NOT to lie down, no matter how tired I am or how much I want to trick Papa into cleaning the kitchen through avoidance. So, I sit in the rocking chair. After a little whining, she’s asleep.

I head downstairs, baby’s asleep and Papa is also playing my game of avoidance. She starts yelling, Mama! Papa jumps up to get her, leaving me with the kitchen.

Baby wakes up, and I dart the kitchen again.

My word she can scream! Apparently she hates her father or finds him scary or terribly annoying (like me). He bargains with her: if she calms down, she can get a hug from Mama. Next thing you know, she’s got me kneeling beside her bed, resting my head on her pillow, and she’s trapped it there under her arm.

She managed to keep me there for an hour, by stroking my back, playing with my hair and cuddling with me. We were both pretending to sleep, in a reverse staring match. Every time I opened my eyes to see if she had fallen asleep, she quickly shut hers. I’d open one eye to take a peek and catch her doing the same. Eventually, she blocked my view of her face with her bottle.

I won, after I tried to leave the room three times and she woke up and we started all over again. Actually, I gave up and left the room when she started playing with her Elmo. It was after 10, she was tired enough to give in.

I went down stairs and Papa had cleaned the kitchen, made little miss’ lunch and emptied the dishwasher. I won that battle, too!

Gotta be careful in this family, we play dirty.

The need for sleep

Just when we think we’ve got this sleep thing under control, December comes along. Spending 10 days at my mother’s with the kids in mid-December really put us off track. No regular outdoor play, no afternoon naps, and late bedtimes, led me to lying down with our toddler until she fell asleep. Normally, we put her in her crib say goodnight send close the door. So since then she expects me to continue this new routine.

We’ve experienced this before and it was easy to remedy since we got back to our regular routine. But we got back and it was Christmas the next week. We schlepped the kids to eastern Ontario then southern Ontario, and back to Toronto in three days. This parade was followed by a switch to a big girl bed and then a new years eve party.

Our baby was also affected. He was normally asleep by midnight and out until 8am. Now things have shifted to 2am to 11am schedule. At least I get to sleep in.

My strategy will be to make the good dark and quiet after 8pm, and loud and bright during the day. Also, I won’t be putting our daughter to sleep any more anytime soon. Sorry, hubby is going to have to come home to a fight every night for a while. She’s needs to be weaned off Mama.

It’s too easy for me to give in to her demands to lie down besides her until she sleeps. Especially nope with her twin bed. I get to cuddle with her (and Elmo) and sneak in a nap. It is nice to have that one-on-one time. But it’s nicer when it is a choice on my part and not a everyday thing. I am sure Papa is enjoying this time with her even if she’s screaming for me the whole time.

No wonder us Brockvillians have so much personality

I think being bored out of your mind lends itself to creativity. Spending a week in my hometown really drives home the fact there was nothing the to do as child unless you had a boat. But I have also realized (thanks to my cousin Kerri) that there is a big business opportunity here.

Brockville could really learn from the neighbourhoods in Toronto chalk full of young families. First they could really add more sidewalks. We walked to the nearest playground which wasn’t around the corner or the end of the street. For at least half the way there there wasn’t any sidewalks. Our daughter already has troubles giving us her hand to cross the street. Lord the challenge of explaining to a two-year-old that it is ok for Mama to walk on the road because she’s pushing a stroller but she had to walk on people’s lawns.

Then um maybe let’s get some more green space and less busy streets. Doesn’t it seem counter-intuitive for small town Ontario to feel more dangerous than the biggest city in the country? In Toronto there are clear residential streets with many many parks and playgrounds. I am comfortable letting my daughter walk down the sidewalk to the park Brockville is a car city of 40,000. These drivers aren’t used to seeing pedestrians. In fact, the only people I crossed on the sidewalk had a dog or were also pushing a stroller but they were 17 and were wearing LA Raiders jackets. The sidewalks are right next to the cars, in Hogtown the sidewalks on busy streets are set back a safe distance.

I bet ninety per cent of Brockville playgrounds are in school yards. Am I allowed to bring my children there during school hours? There are two very sad and lonely parks within walking distance of my mom’s. I can think of two more but I would have to drive there even by Toronto standards. Brockville tourism would say that the river and islands are your playground.

And car culture! I can’t believe I have never walked to Aunt Ethel’s before. It seemed so far away before! It is a ten minute walk. On my way back yesterday, my mom called me terrified that my car was in the drive way but the kids and I were nowhere to be found. When I told her where we were (maybe 700 metres away), she’d wanted to come pick us up because it was snowing. (Mind you, she also drives two blocks to go workout).

Anyway, raising a toddler in Brockville must involve lots of driving and television. Although I guess that people have sizeable backyards. I might still consider opening a business targeted to young families (indoor gym, kids cafe like Lil Bean N Green, and other retail businesses).

We’re spoiled in the big city but our kids might be boring.

Trouble at midnight

I need suggestions to change my baby’s sleep routine. Every night at midnight this guy is wide awake until about 3 am. And he’s not happy about it. He’s usually crying or fussing, it’s an ordeal to get him to sleep. Right now, it’s not a terrible problem to have. My daughter is still going to her babysitter during the day full-time. Papa has been working late so I am alone with both kids for dinner, bath and bedtime. Once he’s back to a regular schedule, I will keep her home Mondays and Fridays. I am not too scared to do that now that I have conquered evenings on my own.

Magically they haven’t been fussy or crying at the same time. My daughter gets concerned when her brother cries, she says “bébé fâché” or “bébé cry”. She needs me to take care of him, like as if I don’t then she’d worry I wouldn’t care for her! either. So to have my son keep me up in the middle of the night isn’t so bad because every baby has their fussy time of time and I am just glad it isn’t from 5 to 8 when I am the lone baby wrangler.

Our daughter’s sleep habits worried us when I was pregnant. She still needed to be hugged or rocked to sleep and would wake up around 2 or 3 to come into our bed. Briefly, we tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, but she cried too much. I think we just expected it to work in week and pushed her too quickly. Papa became the real champ on this one and used the techniques from that solution at a much slower pace. By the time I was eight months preggo, we could just kiss her goodnight and leave the room, although she was still coming into our bed around 4 every morning. She weaned herself off that after the baby came. I guess he was just too disruptive.

She has always woken up at least once a night because she’s lost her soother or wants a drink. It’s a two-minute affair. Lately, though, she’s been waking up screaming. She’s also a little afraid of the dark. She’s having nightmares. I feel so sorry for her but I am so curious what she’s dreaming. Something bad certainly happens because she’s always yelling “No! No!”. Or she could just be dreaming that someone turned off the radio and she still wanted to dance. Basically a dream tantrum.

It’s not extreme, they aren’t night terrors. Our friends’ daughters had them. They sound awful. They were inconsolable. There was no way to comfort them. They basically sat in their daughters’ rooms while they scream and thrashed in their sleep to make sure they didn’t hurt themselves.

Anyways, when she wakes up screaming No! I am usually already up pacing the room praying the baby to sleep so Papa has to get her. And then he still needs to get up with her at 6:30 to get her breakfast. Yet another reason the get baby on a better sleep schedule.

I can currently sleep in a bit with this little guy. He’ll get up around 6 or 7 and go back to bed around 9 until about 11 am. But with Little Miss at home I’ll have to be alert and ready to play, dance and run. Oh and feed her. So I’ll need more than three hours sleep, even if it’s just twice a week.

Update on my manicure!It’s still going strong. Shellac is a great product. It survived scrubbing pots, playing in sand and opening latches on toys. There’s only a little wear on the ends but it mostly looks bad because you can see the growth – or my nail roots. I wouldn’t do this manicure back to back because I believe your nails need to breathe but for a wedding or vacation it’s perfect!

After two weeks

I am scared of bring alone with my children

When our first one came along, I didn’t know how to shower and I sometimes forgot to brush my teeth. Then I figured it out. After forcing myself to. My friend who was on mat leave with me last time wanted to meet up for exercise classes, lunch or walks. Since it was her second baby she’d figured it out. She knew how to get out the door before 3 in the afternoon. I was still in bed and all disheveled at noon. But I just needed to accept that I would be tired if I wanted to avoid turning into a pasty troll. She helped push me to get my act together.

This time I enjoyed staying in bed all morning just taking care of baby number two while Little Miss was at daycare. And if I really want to get something done in the morning, I have the skills I acquired last time. (Anna and Jamie that blue bouncy seat has saved my life!) Baby can sit in his chair batting at toys while I shower and brush my teeth. Sure if I want to get dressed and put on makeup I may be disrupted to nurse him or change a diaper but I have learned to balance these things. I have mostly learned what would take 30 minutes to get out the door now takes about 90 minutes. Or the short version – brush my teeth, splash my face, put my hair in a pony tail and wear what I wore yesterday can be about 45 minutes. (It doesn’t matter if the clothes have spit up on them because within 5 minutes they will have spit up on them anyway.) Both of these get ready in the morning plans don’t involve eating, just making sure baby is fed. I have also learned that he can cry for a couple minutes and it won’t hurt him.

But the luxury of bonding one on one with the new one must come to an end. I can’t afford to send Little Miss to daycare everyday of the week. I am going to have to get used to having her at home with her brother at twice a week. I am terrified of being outnumbered.

First off, she wakes up at 6:30 or 7 and I can’t coax her back to sleep like I can with the little one. So I will be super tired. And the little Tank is usually on a nursing marathon all morning. So mornings should be interesting to say the least. I have been trying (half-assed) to learn to nurse in a sling. Then I could take Little Miss to the park and nurse and have one hand free. Just being mobile would help me duck the jealous swats she takes at her little brother when I am busy with him.

And what about lunch and snacks? I can barely feed myself! I won’t be able to deal with a picky toddler. I am also worried about nap time. I hope they nap at the same time so I can get some rest.

I’ve been researching strategies. They all basically involve tying down your toddler when nursing. Or the best advice was “just wait, it gets better after six months.” Six freakin’ months! I’ll be bald and tripping over then bags under my eyes!

My trial run starts next week when Papa will have to stay at work late, like until 9 p.m. for a week or two. I’ll have to juggle two babies at their worst time of day while feeding them, bathing them and getting them to bed. Baptism by fire. I should be able to handle two week days after that. That is unless I die first.

Cloth or disposible diapers

With our daughter we used Comfy Cotton diaper service and loved it. What an easy way to use cotton diapers. They pick up dirty diapers and drop off clean diapers once a week. I bought Bummis diaper covers from them at first (best price) and other stores when I saw them because I could resist the patterns.

Bummis have a number of products to chose from. They are easy to use as well. Just fold the diaper into thirds and tuck it into the cover. And it velcros closed. They come in four sizes. The patterns are cute. My favourite diaper cover is the Bummis Original. Because it’s so thin, it seems more comfortable than the others. They are easy to wash, just throw them in the laundry. The best part is the covers double as a swim diaper. Most pools now don’t allow regular diapers in the pool and the disposable swim diapers cost a fortune.

We liked cotton diapers because they seemed just as simple as disposable and they were better for the environment and our child’s bum. They breathe better and she almost never got diaper rash. The best part was you didn’t have run out in the middle of the night because you ran out of diapers.

Comfy Cotton’s service is great. They deliver more than enough diapers. They have diaper pails with carbon filters for sale (about $25) to trap the stinky ones. There’s no need to rinse or wash the diapers. And it’s cheaper than disposibles – 70 for $17.

We’ve been using disposibles with our daughter since she went to a babysitter full-time. And just continued to do so with the new one. But I need to decide if I want to make the switch. I don’t know why this is such a hard decision.

My two concerns are;

1. there’s barely room for this baby, let alone another diaper pail.
2. I don’t want to carry around dirty diapers when I am out and about. Disposibles definitely have the upper hand there.

It would be easier for potty training our daughter. Cotton diapers don’t have the dry wicking factor disposibles do, so she would feel when she’s wet immediately. But I think for her I would just buy some diapers from Comfy Cotton and continue to use disposibles when she goes to the babysitter.

Ok, I am going to call them. It’s such a great service and Frankly, I’d rather give my money to a local business than Huggies.

Violent birthday traditions

Okay children gather around. We’re going to take turns beating this Dora with a stick until it breaks open and you’ll be rewarded with toys and candy. Hit harder! Faster! Try stabbing it! Oh good job, her neck is broken! There goes an eye, yay! You call that hitting!? Let me just rip it.

Ah the joys of the first piñata. I am not sure how I wasn’t tramatized as a child beating my favourite characters and objects to shreds. I had one for every birthday party and this weekend was the first for our two-year-old. Thankfully there were a couple of six-year-olds or we’d still be at it.
My dad made a piñata in the form of her favourite character – Dora. It was almost life-sized. She loved it, screaming Dora!Dora! when she saw it. And shouting backpack!backpack! while she hit it. She had a great time. When the candies and toys fell she picked all the lollipops. Then only ate the white ones – piña colada – we’re in trouble.

Needless to say after candy, juice boxes, and cupcakes (Papa lit the Dora cake toppers thinking they were candles, they weren’t and they melted). There was a sugar high. And a sugar low.

It was a late night. With the little sleep we get, it was disappointing to be woken up at 4:30 a.m. by my dad. Even worse since he said, “there’s a raccoon in the house.” Papa and my dad hunted around the house for the racoon. My dad suggested getting a sledge hammer to kill it when they trapped it (he’s a little deamtic when it comes to pests. (he’s also the one who insists on piñatas.)). They couldn’t find it and we all had to assume it had left out the window from which it entered. But we all stayed awake listening for any evidence that it was still here. My dad continued to search the house this morning, and this afternoon before he left. I am convinced it’s gone. Well, I am now after Papa reassured me that sound just now was little miss’ teletubbie.

All in all it was a milestone weekend. Our daughter is two and now owns a tricycle. And baby boy is weaned off the nipple sheild. And now we own a piñata stick.

She’s two and I’m sad

Recently someone asked us what her first word was and we were stumped. I have no idea. I don’t know when she started walking, either. I feel terrible. Will I forget all the fun details of the past two years? It went by so fast. I should have documented it – but who has the time for that?

She’s a little girl now. We now have to coax hugs and kisses out of her. Sitting still to cuddle with us is out of the question. I feel like next week she’ll be sneaking out to meet boys.

My neighbour tried to console me by saying, You have a new baby. But if I can’t remember her milestones, how am I going to remember his? I am way more tired and busy. I don’t even pay as much attention to him since she demands so much.

I’m installing surveillance cameras to catch every detail so I feel better.

Who’s more soother-dependent?

The moral of this story is: bring extra soothers while traveling.

The babies and I are away for the weekend visiting Abuelo and family friends. It’s been going really well. We’ve had lots of fun, I had a couple extra naps, and I even got a pedicure. I have learned a couple of parenting tricks from my Tia, The baby whisperer. She’s run an in-home day care for over 25 years. We talked about the terrible twos, and potty training. We’re on the right track, I have some minor adjustments to experiment with.

My biggest lesson started at Walmart this afternoon. When I snapped at my dad for not knowing where Miss Terrible Two’s soother was. “You don’t know where it us?! It’s the only one I’ve got, without it i’m screwed!” All the while it was in the stroller, where I put it.

Then when we got home, she lost it for real. And it was nap time. Well, beyond nap time. We searched everywhere. Tia had a substitute soother, but it wasn’t the all-natural-rubber, all-one-piece-for-less-germs, orthodontic, incredibly-hard-to-find-and-darn-expensive Natursutten. A substitute won’t do! Tia popped it in her mouth and she put her head down and fell asleep. It did do.

I continued my search. The novelty of this cheap impostor will certainly wear off before the four hour car ride home tomorrow, even with the Dora dvds. I asked her over and over, interrogating her, “Where’s your soother? C’est ou la titine? Donde esta el entretenador?” I threw every cushion on the floor, checked every cabinet, looked inside cereal boxes, dumped baskets of toys and crawled along all the floors. I stopped short of rummaging through the raw chicken bits in the kitchen garbage can.

Dinner, tantrums, birthday cake, and bedtime came and went. The substitute did it’s job. I had given up. Defeated, I realized that she doesn’t care what she’s sucking on. As I got ready for bed, I piled a couple things by the bedroom door while I brushed my teeth so to not disturb her. I turned to walk back down the hall, and in the corner of my eye, on the light brown carpet, I saw the light brown rubber soother in the corner of the hall. I found it!

When I get home, I am buying ten cheap soothers and stashing them in the car, my purse, the diaper bag, her backpack and her lunch bag. Then I am not buying any more. She’s too old for a soother anyway.

If you hate car rides, you’ll always hate them

She always hated the car, right from the beginning. We learned to time long rides with her nap so she’d fall asleep within minutes of departure. I think that’s what fooled us into thinking she’d gotten over it. Just took a long trip to see Abuelo (gramppa) and she basically cried (very loudly) the last hour. Baby on the other hand slept the entire time. You put him in a car seat and he’s insta-asleep – for hours. But she cries on the way home from the babysitter, a 7 minute drive. She doesn’t hate the car. No, she’d play in it for hours. She just wants to be on her on terms. I hope one days those terms change so we can go on family roadtrips.

Atmosphere really plays a bit part in distracting toddlers. A couple weeks ago she was completely distraught when Papa left for one night. But she’s barely noticed he’s not with us here. Nothing to remind her, I guess. We just have to avoid bringing him up. Luckily, we’ve reached the spelling-things-out years. I am going to use D. O. R. A. as a distraction tool on the way home on Monday. Hopefully that works.